Chapter 5 – Trigger the Two Words That Immediately Transform Any Negotiation
This chapter starts with Voss introducing the “Behavior Change Stairway Model.” The five stages of the model are active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavior change. When implemented correctly, the model leads an adversary to feeling understood, and this leads them to literally state the two words “that’s right.” This results in cooperation.
In one negotiation, Voss needed to persuade a negotiation translator who did not agree with his strategy. Voss labeled the translator’s feelings towards the adversary in the form of a question. The translator agreed with Voss and after having a “that’s right” moment, the translator adopted Voss’ suggestions.
A more advanced tactic that also gets an adversary to a “that’s right” moment is a summary. Voss defines a summary as labeling and paraphrasing combined. The translator in the aforementioned negotiation eventually labeled the adversary’s emotions and put the adversary’s story in his own words. As a result, the adversary said, “that’s right” and the negotiation was a success.
Quotes from the chapter:
- The “that’s right” breakthrough usually doesn’t come at the beginning of a negotiation. It’s invisible to the counterpart when it occurs, and they embrace what you’ve said. To them, it’s a subtle epiphany.
- It created a realization point with our adversary where he actually agreed on a point without the feeling of having given in.
Chapter 6 – Bend Their Reality
Chapter 6 opens by establishing that negotiations are much more than the proposed terms. Under the surface, Voss stresses that everyone has “irrational blind spots, hidden needs, and undeveloped notions.” As a result, Voss emphasizes that there is always leverage in any negotiation. Furthermore, Voss declares, “there are always ways to bend our counterpart’s reality so it conforms to what we ultimately want to give them, not to what they initially think they deserve.”
Before entering a negotiation, Voss stresses that “compromise” is not an option. He gives an example of a husband wanting to wear black shoes. His wife wants him to wear brown shoes. The obvious compromise would be to wear one brown shoe and one black shoe. Compared to this illogical solution, any of the two original options would lead to a better result. Voss says that one thing you may have to do to avoid compromise is to “bend” an adversary’s “reality.”
One way to bend an adversary’s reality is to use time as an ally. In every negotiation, Voss claims that time is a variable that can easily lead to irrational negotiation. He says a good negotiator knows this but stays calm. Voss states this “patience becomes a formidable weapon.” An adversary may begin to make concessions that are not in her best interest fearing an agreement will not be reached.
Lastly, Voss expounds upon six additional tactics that allow a negotiator to bend an adversary’s reality.
- Anchor their emotions – Appeal to an adversary’s aversion to loss by framing the negotiation in a way that triggers the fears they hold coming into the negotiation.
- Let the other guy go first – most of the time – In monetary negotiations, most often both parties do not know the true value of a product or service. Voss advises letting the adversary go first because it is hard to confidently know the value of the transaction.
- Establish a range – Give a range where the lowest number is your ideal price. Adversary’s “who hear extreme anchors unconsciously adjust their expectations in the direction of the opening number.”
- Pivot to nonmonetary terms – When an adversary believes a request is too high, propose a nonmonetary term that is valuable to you but reasonable to them. This will make the entire request seem more reasonable.
- When you do talk numbers, use odd ones – Asking for a specific number, as opposed to a number ending in 0, comes across as more calculated.
- Surprise with a gift – After proposing an extreme number, take advantage of reciprocity (feeling indebted to a person). Offer an unrelated gift and the adversary might accept your proposal in effort to repay the debt.
Related quotes:
- Deadlines are often arbitrary, almost always flexible, and hardly ever trigger the consequences we think—or are told—they will.
- To get real leverage, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.
Andrew T. Daniel 