Book Notes: “Never Split the Difference” – Chapters 7-8

Chapter 7 – Create the Illusion of Control

Learning from the FBI’s history of negotiations, Voss states that the secret to effective negotiation is to get “your counterpart to do the work for you and suggest your solution himself.”  He says the key is to give counterparts “the illusion of control” while you define the conversation.  This can be accomplished by using a “calibrated open-ended question.”

In hindsight, Voss saw that he had been using a “tit-for-tat” negotiation mentality.  When his side wanted something from a counterpart, he had to be willing to give something, and vice versa.  Voss stopped this “verbal flexing” when he discovered calibrated open-ended questions.  When a counterpart demands money in exchange for a kidnappee, a simple, “How am I supposed to do that?” said in a tone conveying that you need their help, knocks down kidnappers’ walls.

Voss explains that kidnappers usually start negotiations in “unbelief,” or “active resistance to what the other side is saying.”  When a calibrated open-ended question comes across as needing help, it puts the kidnapper in a problem-solving state in which she comes up with an answer that seems to be her own. 

As an example, Voss shares how he consulted with a client that was doing public relations work with a large company.  The company had not paid her, but she wanted to keep its business.  After another request from the company, the client summarized the situation and asked, “How am I supposed to do that?”  The company revealed that it had had some internal accounting changes but assured her she would be paid within forty-eight hours – and she was.

Finally, Voss emphasizes that when using calibrated open-ended questions, emotions must be kept in check.  He asserts that to control a counterpart’s emotions, a negotiator must be able to control their own first.  He recommends allowing an emotion to dissipate before responding in order to stay collected.

A few related quotes:

• Our job as persuaders is easier than we think.  It’s not to get others believing what we say. It’s just to stop them unbelieving.
• Giving your counterpart the illusion of control by asking calibrated questions—by asking for help—is one of the most powerful tools for suspending unbelief.
• What makes them work is that they are subject to interpretation by your counterpart instead of being rigidly defined. They allow you to introduce ideas and requests without sounding overbearing or pushy.

Chapter 8 – Guarantee Execution

Voss starts the chapter with a story in which an agreement had been reached but the execution of the agreement almost failed.  He underscores the point that agreements, of course, must be accompanied by execution.

To execute, there must be an implementation plan.  Voss advises using calibrated “How?” questions to set a plan in place.  A negotiator can ask, “How will we know we’re on track?”  This can be followed by, “How will we address things if we find we’re off track?”  Voss assures that these calibrated questions have proven to lead to success.

Next, Voss stresses the importance of getting an entire counterpart’s negotiation team on the same page.  To do this, Voss recommends asking a question like, “How does this affect the rest of your team?”  He forewarns that almost every negotiation has multiple players on the other side and that sometimes the other players may be more important to win over than the counterpart themselves. 

Lastly, Voss gives techniques to uncover true intentions of counterparts who might be misleading in their negotiation:

• The 7-38-55 percent rule – Voss cites a UCLA psychology professor who said, “only 7 percent of a message is based on the words while 38 percent comes from the tone of voice and 55 percent from the speaker’s body language and face.”  If these do not seem in alignment, Voss suggests saying something like, “You said ‘X’, but it sounded as though you are feeling ‘Y’” to minimize any possible confusion.
• The Rule of Three – The essence of this tactic is to get a counterpart to agree to a term three times in a conversation.  Voss says, it’s difficult “to repeatedly lie or fake conviction.”
• The Pinocchio Effect – Pinocchio’s nose, of course, grew when he lied.  Similarly, this rule of thumb is that “liars use more words than truth tellers.”
• Pay Attention to Their Usage of Pronouns – Voss states that the more important a counterpart is in a negotiation, the less she will use personal pronouns.  Smarter negotiators strive to put distance between them and the negotiation to keep their options open.

Related quotes:

• People always make more effort to implement a solution when they think it’s theirs. That is simply human nature. That’s why negotiation is often called “the art of letting someone else have your way.”
• Truly effective negotiators are conscious of the verbal, paraverbal (how it’s said), and nonverbal communications that pervade negotiations and group dynamics.