The next book in my “Book Notes” series is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Wildly popular, the book has sold over 15 million copies since its first print in 1939. Carnegie began his career giving public speaking courses but realized there was a need to improve interpersonal skills. As before, I am sharing some of the main points as I make my way through the book.
Chapter One – “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive”
Chapter one’s lesson is, “don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.” From a psychological standpoint, Carnegie shares how B.F. Skinner proved rewarding for good behavior is more effective than punishing for bad behavior.
Related quotes:
- When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
- Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
- Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
Chapter Two – The Big Secret of Dealing with People
The chapter begins with the premise that in order to get people to do something, they must want to do it. Too often, people try to strongarm others to get people to do something. Appreciation makes people more amenable. Carnegie states one of the strongest desires that humans want is to be considered “important.” Carnegie says, “here [appreciation] is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and ‘even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.’” Carnegie emphasizes that the appreciation must be sincere.
Quotes from the chapter:
- “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.
- The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.
Andrew T. Daniel 