Book notes: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” – Chapter 3-Part II – Chapter 1

Chapter 3 – “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him.  He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way”

Carnegie explains that one of the most important skills that leads to success is being able to stand in another person’s shoes.  Only then can someone align another person’s desire with their own.  Carnegie gives an example of a child that did not want to go to kindergarten.  Instead of admonishing the child, the father shared all the activities the child enjoyed that kindergarten would provide.  Arousing an “eager want,” the child was the first person awake the next morning excited to go to school.

A few related quotes:

• So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
• And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us.  We’ll buy.  And customers like to feel that they are buying—not being sold.
• The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking.  So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.  He has little competition.

Part II – Chapter 1 – Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere

This chapter’s main point is the importance of becoming genuinely interested in others.  Dogs, Carnegie shares, are the embodiment of this trait.  He states that they love their owners and that “there are no ulterior motives: he doesn’t want to sell you any real estate, and he doesn’t want to marry you.”  If making friends is the goal, Carnegie suggests putting “ourselves out to do things for other people—things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.” 

Related quotes:

• You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
• People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves—morning, noon and after dinner.
• All of us, be we workers in a factory, clerks in an office or even a king upon his throne—all of us like people who admire us.