Book notes: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” – Part III – Chapters 2-4

Part III – Chapter 2 – A Sure Way of Making Enemies – and How to Avoid It

This chapter stresses the importance of being tactful when someone is wrong.  Carnegie says that telling someone that they are wrong will “strike a direct blow at their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.”  To counter this, he recommends suggesting that you yourself may be wrong and proposing further examination of the situation.  This, according to Carnegie, will open the counterpart to the possibility that they may be wrong and give you the opportunity to present the truth. 

A couple of related quotes:

• If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it.  Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
• When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness.  But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our esophagus.

Part III – Chapter 3 – If You’re Wrong, Admit It

Carnegie advises admitting your own wrongdoings “quickly, openly, and with enthusiasm.”  He gives an example of being caught with his dog off its leash by a “policeman itching to show his authority.”  After a scolding, the policeman let him off with a warning.  After visiting the park a few more times in compliance, Carnegie let his dog off its leash again.  The policeman caught him again.  This time Carnegie admitted his mistake quickly and condemned himself.  The policeman responded with sympathy as giving Carnegie grace was his way of preserving his importance. 

Related quote:

• There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors.  It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.

Part III – Chapter 4 – A Drop of Honey

Here, Carnegie emphasizes the effectiveness of being friendly when dealing with frustration.  Robert F. Black was the president of the White Motor Company when workers threw a strike.  Instead of reacting in anger, he brought baseball bats and gloves to their picket line and rented a bowling alley for picketers that preferred bowling.  In response to his friendliness, the picketers started cleaning the factory while they were striking and eventually agreed to “a compromise settlement within a week.”

Quotes from the chapter:

• This friendliness on Mr. Black’s part did what friendliness always does: it begot friendliness.
• Remember what Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”