Part III – Chapter 5 – The Secret of Socrates
Carnegie recommends getting a person to say “yes” at the beginning of an interaction to guide it in the desired direction. A potential customer at a bow hunting shop wanted to rent a bow. The clerk explained the store quit renting bows but asked if the man had rented before. The man said, “yes.” The clerk asked if he had paid $25 to $30 to rent and the man said, “yes.” Finally, the clerk asked if he was the type of person who liked to save money. “Yes.” The clerk showed the man a discounted bow for $34.95. He could buy the bow for just $4.95 more, and he did.
A couple of related quotes:
- When you have said “No,” all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself.
- He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.
Part III – Chapter 6 – The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
This chapter emphasizes the importance of listening. A businessman trying to secure a large account from two competitors lost his voice the day of his meeting. The president of the company volunteered to present the businessman’s proposal to the other company representatives. After deliberation, the company decided to go with the businessman’s company. This, after the businessman had not said a word.
Related quotes:
- Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do.
- So listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.
Part III – Chapter 7 – How to Get Cooperation
In order to get cooperation, Carnegie advises letting people think your ideas are theirs. In planning a canoeing and fishing trip in New Brunswick, Carnegie contacted the tourist bureau. He then received a plethora of pamphlets and information from New Brunswick businesses. One business, however, gave Carnegie names and phone numbers of satisfied customers. Carnegie called one of the names he knew, discussed their trip, and went with that company. He “sold himself.”
Quotes from the chapter:
- No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.
- “I didn’t have to sell him. He bought.”
Part III – Chapter 8 – A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You
Carnegie states that if there is one takeaway from the entire book, it is to try to see things from the other person’s point of view. Six weeks late on her car payment, an Australian woman received a call on a Friday that she owed $122 by the following Monday. When she got the call on Monday, she changed her approach by apologizing for being late and saying what a hassle she must be for him. The collector’s tone changed, and he went on to tell her about much worse debtors. In the end, he said all she had to pay was $20 by the end of the month and “the balance whenever it was convenient.”
A couple of related quotes:
- There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason—and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality.
- Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
Part III – Chapter 9 – What Everybody Wants
According to Carnegie, everyone wants sympathy. He asserts that saying, “I would feel just as you do if I were you,” will “stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will [sic], and make the other person listen attentively.” A piano teacher often had to persuade students who had long fingernails to trim them in order for the student to reach his or her potential. She encouraged one girl to trim her nails, after complimenting them. By sympathizing with the student, the girl came back the next week with her fingernails trimmed.
Related quote:
- Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
Andrew T. Daniel 