Part IV: Chapter 3 – Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
Carnegie says that it is better to talk about your own mistakes before attempting to correct another. As an example, he shares a story about a father who found that his son had begun smoking. The father addressed his son by starting with how he himself had struggled with cigarettes during his life. He reminded his son how his cough irritated his son and how his son had tried to get him to stop. After the father admitted his own failing first, the son stopped smoking.
A quote from the chapter:
- It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.
Part IV: Chapter 4 – No One Likes to Take Orders
This chapter proposes asking questions instead of giving orders. Carnegie shares a story where a superior never gave orders to those working in his office. The superior “would say, ‘You might consider this,’ or ‘Do you think that would work?’” Carnegie states this approach “makes it easy for a person to correct errors.”
A couple of related quotes:
- A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
- Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
Part IV: Chapter – 5 – Let the Other Person Save Face
According to Carnegie, when a situation requires a reprimand or discharge, it is wiser to let the person save face. A vice president once berated a supervisor in front of other company employees. When the supervisor responded evasively, “not wanting to be embarrassed in front of his peers,” the vice president became angrier and accused him of lying. The supervisor ended up excelling in his work for one of the company’s competitors. In contrast, after a busy tax season, an accounting firm thanks and praises the accountants that they must let go. Those accountants come back when their services are required again.
Related quote:
- Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
Part IV: Chapter 6 – How to Spur People On to Success
In order to spur people on to success, Carnegie advises praising positives versus criticizing negatives. A father had been criticizing his children without success. Once he started praising them for their good behavior, he found that their bad behavior began to subside and they even went out of their way to behave properly.
Quotes from the chapter:
- This great contemporary psychologist has shown by experiments with animals and with humans that when criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
- Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.
Andrew T. Daniel 