Book notes: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” – Part II – Chapter 5 – Part III – Chapter 1

Part II – Chapter 5 – How to Interest People

This chapter speaks to the art of developing relationships.  Carnegie shares how Theodore Roosevelt was known to be a man of vast knowledge, helping him to relate to a wide array of people.  Roosevelt’s secret, Carnegie reveals, was researching a person’s interests the night before meeting them.  Carnegie says talking in terms that interest the other person is beneficial to both parties.

A related quote:

• For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.

Part II – Chapter 6 – How to Make People Like You Instantly

Carnegie states the most “important law of human conduct” is to make people feel important.  In an encounter with a post office clerk that seemed bored with his duties, Carnegie asked himself what he genuinely appreciated about the clerk.  Carnegie told the man that he liked his hair.  The man smiled and then “carried on a pleasant little conversation” with Carnegie thereafter.  The chapter encourages following the golden rule (treat others the way you want to be treated).

Related quotes:

• You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that you are important in your little world.
• “Talk to people about themselves,” said Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire, “and they will listen for hours.”

Part III – Chapter 1 – You Can’t Win an Argument

In this chapter, Carnegie expresses the uselessness of trying to win an argument.  According to Carnegie, you cannot win an argument because even if you do, the other person will be left feeling inferior and resentful.  Carnegie gives an example of an income tax consultant that had been arguing with a government tax inspector for over an hour regarding a tax issue.  Then, the consultant expressed genuine appreciation for the inspector’s work.  Three days later the inspector called to say he agreed with the consultant.

Quotes from the chapter:

• As a result of all this, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it.
• You may be right, dead right, as you speed along in your argument; but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned, you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong.